Melancholy Days

Hey, guys. It's 12:41 now and I probably should be heading to bed. I got my final quiz for the Culture and Society in the West II class in several hours. Chances are I will be waking up at 9 to merely glaze over the quiz guidelines and Wikipedia the various movies to eventually ace or get a B+. CSWII is nothing but a joke because it's a freshmen class. The professor doesn't want to teach it but they have to because it's part of their contract. A lot of my classmates are dumbasses who talk way louder than the timid teacher who only once truly got upset. Sometimes I just want to up and leave but I'm better than that...I have the patience. In the end, I'm so glad I'm done with this class and I'm glad future freshmen won't have to deal with the silly CSW system for their required classes.

Anyways, for some reason, the past two weeks have just been...well...really shitty for me. I couldn't place my finger on what exactly is or was bothering me. Whatever it is it's been making me rather distant from everyone and even antisocial. Not only that, I have been getting incredibly fatigued very easily that can only be traced to the feeling of complete dread I have been enduring for these weeks. I just haven't feeling very pleasant. I can't wait to get the hell out of campus. But even when I do I got a 9 page paper as a take home final due next Tuesday (meanwhile I have a final photo essay documentary project due this coming Tuesday which happens to be worth more...hmmm). This is probably a complete lie but nothing has really been going my way it seems. My friends are convinced I'm being dramatic but I tell them I'm just being morbid. Mayhaps I'm also lonely. I feel like I just need someone for my own. But ha! My general misfortunate guarantees I never receive such a soul. Oh, dear. Maybe it is just some self-drama. Or truly, though I would doubt it very much, melancholic depression? Small things are probably just eating away at me more than usual. Though usually very calm...stress may finally caught up to me and is doing more harm than it has in a long time.

Again, maybe I just need a chick? :/

So...how about them Mets? If there is one thing for sure that is not helping me get over this strange "depression" it's the (not so) Amazin's. I'm once again learning the hard way that passion is a double edged sword. It's a moment of jubilation when the Mets win (unless it was truly a bad game and luck was clearly involved) and when they don't...I want to really flip a shit because this baseball team is DEAD for most of the time. For a team that has the second highest payroll (the Yankees with the highest...their fans may think they can still talk but they're bitter and highly insecure) they need to play a hundred times better than the shit they're pulling now. It is absolutely heartbreaking (literally maybe...I'll get to that soon) when a team that's supposed to be so damn good currently have a 10-13 record. Mind you, it is still April but at this rate the negative vibes will carry on into May, June...and beyond. This team needs to fucking get it's act together again before I

1. Grow an ulcer
2. Suffer through a heartattack and get a pacemaker
3. Decide to to truly give up my fandom to the Seattle Mariners (a team that's already proving that it will not repeat it's shitty '08 season by leading its division consistently)

All of that very well could happen but I'd rather not. Especially since the first two are dangerous to my already stress-broken body. Please dear Lord in the Heavens above...just let the Mets play some ball that's worthy of leading them to the playoffs. Or hell...just win! Is that so much to ask for from a baseball team? I really hate this feeling of being a true fan of a team because...you cheer hard and suffer hard. Ugh.

Purchase Internet makes me want to kick a puppy in the face. Two straight days CTS (Campus Technology Services) decides it would be funny to let PC users have their net connection severed for a good portion of the day. This very well ruined a Dungeons and Dragons session I was looking forward to for the longest time. I will be surprised if I don't see monkeys flinging poo at each other in the CTS office if I ever decide to angrily make my presence known. Let's get some better Interwebs instead of paying millions and millions for a field that no sports team here is going to make us proud having. Fuckin' SUNY. Fuckin' government for stealing money from SUNY.

I'm done complaining now. I just want to sleep I just want to get the hell out of here. I need some peace of mind and relaxation for my broken self. Please Lord...let the good times roll again soon. Let the boys of summer in CitiField kick some serious ass and make everyone shut the hell up again. I want to smile.